but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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