Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
