I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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