I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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