yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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