why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
