2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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