This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
