Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
