Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
