We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she pinky promised me she was 18
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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