He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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