we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
