Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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