There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
