Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
