i was born a porn star she said
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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