I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
