morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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