youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
