fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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