I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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