I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
