I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Text me some of your sweat
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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