I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
