um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I lost the right to judge tonight
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
