there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
