like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
