I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Randomize