Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
