My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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