I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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