oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
