Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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