Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
