Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you traded sex for a burrito?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
