he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
