i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
