and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think people are normalizing furries
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
