In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize