Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
