I showed him my bush... on skype.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
