ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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