New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
