I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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