I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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