My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have tasted many bathrooms
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
