I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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