dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
don't judge my taste in strippers
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
