I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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