Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
id be glad to
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
