I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
