Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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