Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I could fuck to npr.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize