i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
