I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
