Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
