you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
