i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
