Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
