nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
