My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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