On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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