I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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