And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
