TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
