I wish life had little blips of pornography
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize